It is one of the quickest dream-killing phrases in the English language, it is a phrase that has been so ingrained in many of us since childhood that it is trots out of our mouth almost automatically and it is one of the quickest ways known to man-or woman kind to slam shut a gate the size of a house on our dreams.
“How could one phrase be so powerful?” I hear you ask. “And what is it?”
I was talking to a friend about summer holidays. “Where are you going this year?” I asked her. Without a moment’s hesitation, she said “I’d love a holiday BUT I’m not going anywhere this year. I…”. Guess what she said next…
Yes, that’s right, the dream destroyer phrase itself.
“I can’t afford a holiday, I’ve got no money”. End of conversation.
That one phrase killed the conversation, it shut off any possibility of her having a holiday and shut down any creativity she might have had.
Every time she repeats that phrase, (and she says it frequently- it is one of her favourites) and especially when she puts some intense feeling and real conviction to it (which she does) the Universe hears that as her request and sets about creating a situation of no money for her.
Unexpected bills turn up, things go wrong and a holiday is unlikely to materialise.
“OK,” I said to her, “I know you can’t afford a holiday (or you think you can’t) but if you could, just suppose for a moment it was possible, where would you go?”
Amidst much resistance, she told me, “Somewhere in Central France, with mountains, somewhere quiet and peaceful with nice food and plenty of wine.”
As she finished describing her ideal holiday, the next dream destroyer phrase tumbled out of her mouth, “BUT, there’s no way I can…”
Before she got too caught up in that I said to her. “Write at the top of your piece of paper, “How can I have a holiday in France this year?”
Her resistance kicked in big time and the next thing she said was the 3rd of this destructive trio “I don’t know”.
I was amazed at how genuinely stuck she seemed at this point, so I started her off with a few suggestions.
“Who do you know who has got a villa or a house in France that you could rent or you could stay there? Who do you know who has got a timeshare you could use? Who do you know who is a travel agent and could get you a cheap flight ad holiday deal? Who do you know who is French or has French family or who teaches language classes? Who do you know who sells timeshare and you could got to one of their presentations and get some free vouchers?”
For the first few ideas, she had an excuse why everyone would not work.
“Yes, I know someone with a timeshare, but it is in Spain or it is probably too late to exchange it, yes I know someone with a house but I don’t know when they are using it or if they rent it out, don’t know anybody who…”
Notice the pattern here. Every idea was followed by either “I can’t, but, I don’t know or that wouldn’t work for me because…”
Eventually she allowed herself to open up to the possibility that there could be a solution. As soon as she did, the most obvious solution for her hit her straight in the face, where she could possibly go for as little as… free or almost nothing.
Part of her current business discussions is with a company who offer holidays and travel as corporate incentives and she has already negotiated arrangements with them. Talk about missing the blindingly obvious.
The money for what you want to do may be sitting in your bank right now, however there are ways of attracting those funds or the people who can provide them.
“How can I afford it?”
Get rid of the phrases of “I can’t afford it” and replace it with “How can I afford it?” If you get the little negative voice telling you al the reasons why you can’t, tell it as politely as you can to “Go away” for now as it is not being very helpful.
Get your ideas on paper. You can analyse and edit them later.
Once you have got some ideas, the next important thing to do is to pick one and take immediate ACTION before the negative voice has time to come back and tell you why that one won’t work or why you can’t because of whatever reason.
Get rid of “BUT” and replace it with AND or something else. BUT negates everything you have just said.
“If you did know?…”
If you hear yourself saying, “I don’t know” turn it around and say to yourself, “I know you don’t know and if you did know, what might you do?”
Another hugely powerful phrase to add in here is “What else?” as that triggers off the next creative idea and keeps the flow going.
Language is a hugely powerful thing and just watching what we say to ourselves and others when we think of our goal can make a huge difference to whether we achieve it or not.
We have all had times in our lives when we have had to find money for something because it was really important. Most of then automatically used the “How can I approach?” and there was no room for doubt.
Language is probably one of the quickest ways to make changes because it can have an immediate effect on every aspect of your life. It can open you up to so many more possibilities.
Catch yourself before you say negative phrases and choose to use more empowering phrases to support you and your goals.
With abundant blessings
P.S. Believe in the impossible by Lewis Carroll (from Alice in Wonderland)
“I can’t believe that!” said Alice.
“Can’t you?” the queen said in a pitying tone. “Try again, draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.”
Alice laughed. “There’s no use trying,” she said. “One can’t believe impossible things.”
“I dare say you haven’t had much practice,” said the queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast”